Stuck, in a place of unrest.
Things happening around me, and I remain, unimpressed.
Stolen thoughts of happiness, leading me to be stressed.
Continuing to tell myself, I’ll never be the best.
The fabric of my mind, refuses to be undressed.
So for today, I remain depressed.
Why the fuck my life is so fucking good?
I’m the kind of person that if you would see me walking down the street, you wouldn’t think twice about me. I look like a normal guy in his early 20’s – some would say clean-cut.
What they don’t see is who I actually am. If they knew I am sure they would be baffled at how I am still alive. I’ve spent my entire life trying to hide the fact that I was fucking miserable, and I did a pretty damn good job at it. I have a decent amount of mental disorders, but from the outside you wouldn’t be able to tell. Continue reading
Life can be quite the prickly bitch, that just tries to tear everything down that I’ve worked so damn hard for. Wouldn’t it be nice if once you got better, that’s it, no more work, you could just stay in a great place for the rest of your life and nothing would ever go wrong… yeah that would be fan-fucking-tastic.
But it’s not the case, life goes on and shit happens whether you like it or not. Here is the time where people show their true colors, when shit hits the fan, what will you do? Will you bend over and let life fuck the shit out of you, or will you fight back. Will you stand and take the higher road filled with tough decisions and things that you don’t want to do that will ultimately lead to greatness?
Yeah it’s a hell of a lot harder to face that shit and keep going than it is to let it get the best of you. But let me tell you from someone who has done a lot of bending over (metaphorically speaking) it fucking sucks! And it doesn’t get better, its only when I stood up and grabbed life by the balls and did the shit that I didn’t want to do that things started to look up.
There is this feeling that until recently has completely eluded me, the feeling of true happiness. For the longest time I couldn’t ever imagine myself being happy, truly happy. It was something that I always wanted but could never attain, no matter how hard I tried it was always just out of reach, forever taunting me in the distance. like a mirage, it seemed so real but every time I came closer it seemed to vanish, and there I was stuck in the desert of my mind chasing this feeling that kept disappearing in the blink of an eye. It seemed like an eternity when I was trying to get that feeling, trying everything I could think of, with every new thing I tried I would get further away from it. Continue reading
Who would have thought I would be able to be perfectly happy sitting at the same coffee shop everyday after work, just doing a little bit of writing and hanging out with a group of people, who I now consider to be family even though I’ve only known them for about two months. I sure as hell wouldn’t have thought it possible when just a little over three years ago I would have looked at a guy like myself like he was a fucking idiot, and thought he was wasting his life. But that’s not the case, this new life I have stumbled across has provided me with everything I have ever wanted plus a whole lot more that I never thought possible. Continue reading